I promised myself that I won’t blog about this unless it’s
resolved. Well, sorry self for breaking a promise (which my G, been doing for
the past couple of months now) again. I just have to let all the pain out, and
my journal cannot absorb everything, as it only welcomes positive thoughts!
The last quarter of 2012 was very depressing. I have almost
lost my life dealing with a huge problem that a friend (well, former friend)
have caused me. I entered into a “mini business” to earn money easily for I don’t
have a job to fund my wants. Of course almost everyone knows that “THERE IS NO
EASY MONEY”, and yes I have realized this after what happened. After what
happened, I swear I’ll keep the “listen to your parents/guardians at all times,
for they know best” lesson. Yes, I’ve had a lot of “I should’ve listened to
them” and “darn I’m so stupid! Why did I ignore my grammy and daddy” moments! At least now, I’ve learned.
TRUST. I
trust people easily. They say that I am too good to everyone, and that isn’t a
good thing, for others will take that as an opportunity to do something bad to
you. True enough, this former friend of mine took advantage of my goodness, and
pulled me to the darkest side of life. Worse, I have pulled some of my friends
and relatives with me. I should have entered this “thing” alone, if only I knew.
Today, I am
still dealing with this problem. I do not know where to get more than a million
bucks to pay for all the damages. I wish we are that rich to just give the
money back to everyone who invested. I feel sorry for my grandparents, aunts,
uncles, and dad for carrying the entire burden that this “thing” has caused me.
I was so busy running away from my own problem while they are busy looking for
the best solution for MY problem, I repeat, MY PROBLEM.
FRIENDS. As
what my cousin and dad have told me, you’ll know who your TRUE friends are when
you have experienced misfortune. True enough, those who I thought were my REAL
friends were the ones who sent me depressing messages, and even cursed me a lot
despite their knowledge of what happened. Yes, I am in no position to blame
them, for I have put them in this situation. All I am asking for is longer
patience and a little bit of respect, if not as their friend, as a person. I
have feelings, too, and I am not that strong to handle everything. As they all
know, I have a tendency to commit suicide, yes I am a suicidal person, and
fragile about everything, basically EVERYTHING. So yes, this is so hard for me.
To my dad,
thank you for sending sms to some of my buyers explaining to them everything.
Thank you for always checking up on me, and for understanding the situation. I
know I’ve given you tons of headaches for the past years, and this one’s the
toughest, but thank you thank you so much for loving me and never leaving my
side.
To my grammy,
thank you for your understanding and for being with me every step of the way.
No words can describe how great you are as a grandmother. I love you with every
bit of my heart.
To the
Nazareths and Castillos, thank you for being the best families ever.
To those
involved in this “thing”, I am truly sorry for what happened. I know that my
apologies are so overrated, but what else can I say? I am just truly sorry for
what this thing has caused all of us. We just wanted to earn, but because of me
–trusting the wrong person, we are now in the darkest side of life. This is
hard for me too, so thank you for your understanding and for your support.
For those
friends that I have lost along the way, I know that one day, everything will be
fine. I tried not to ruin any friendship, but I cannot control everyone’s
emotions. If getting mad is what you think is best, then I’m okay with it. I
completely understand your anger. Sorry, and again, I will try my very best to
fix this problem.
To you, self,
be strong and never ever give-up. Just hang in there and this too shall pass.
To my Lord,
thank You for giving me a stronger heart to face this battle. I love You
forever, and yes, Your will be done.
"Sometimes, the girl who has been there for everyone else needs someone to be there for her."
H&K <3
Blair C.N.
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