GOD NEVER BLINKS...

I really don’t know if it’s right for me to share this, but I just want to let this out off my chest. I haven’t shared with everyone that I was involved in a scam on late 2012. I trusted my friend, and invested into a mini business of selling mobile phones in cheaper prices, and was able to convince some of my friends and relatives to invest (or yes, to buy) units from me. That mini business, is so far, the most stupid thing I have ever decided to do. I did not think, well obviously. I became so excited with the profit that I forgot that there is no easy money. Well, I always say this as my reason.. I TRUSTED A FRIEND, IT’S NOT MY FAULT, but deep down in me, I know it’s my fault. Why didn’t I think twice? Why was I so selfish? I blame myself, until now, for dragging my close friends and relatives in this bull crap! I still cannot move on from that tragedy.

It’s almost 9 months. Imagine the burden of bringing the same bull crap everyday of your life, for the past 9 months. It became heavier as the anger of the people involved is uncontrollable. That feeling of apologizing every single time they ask for a refund, is just so sad. I wanted to give them their money back, but how? I don’t have an income, for I am a student. I tried looking for a job, but I cannot find one. I feel sorry for my family for carrying this burden with me. Yes, and it hurts so much that I can sense people thinking that what happened is nothing to me. Well, I’ve been juggling with school, and all --with this bull crap in my system. It’s not easy, never was, and never will be. I’ve been searching for solutions, but it’s not that easy, I repeat, never easy.. The hardest part is, people want me to rely on my family. Well, of course I’ve been asking them for help, but they just cannot shoulder a million bucks, for we are not rich –and I repeat--- WE ARE NOT RICH! People always tell me that we’re rich, and blahblahblah. What’s your basis, guys? The way we carry ourselvesf? Haay. Well, think again..

So why did I share this.. It’s because I had a very serious talk with someone regarding the status of our family.  I don’t know, but the bottom line is that.. We have this habit of entrusting our fortune to the wrong people. I just don’t want to give out details, for I’m really not that aware of what happened. You see, as I have observed, the Nazareths are not into jobs, and being employees, they're into investing, business and stuff.. So yea... It’s just so sad seeing my grammy so problematic, and I cannot do anything to help her. Worse, I brought her additional problem. What’s with late 2012-mid year 2013? Haay. Definitely not a good year for the Nazareths.

When I was growing up, I didn’t experience problems like these. It’s so easy being a kid, indeed. Being part of the grown-up world is just so hard. It’s just so sad that we’ve come to this. I was not expecting this, and so as my family. We didn’t expect this to happen.. We’re so not used to this.

So... (fame) and fortune don’t last. I have learned a lot from what I’m (we’re) experiencing right now. I swear, I’m a better person today. Now that I have experienced the reality, I can say that life really has its ups and downs. You may be on top now, you’ll never know what will happen tomorrow.

*siiiiiggghhhh*

I’m praying for a better tomorrow, and for the next days, months and years to come to be the best…

No matter what happened, I’m sure that my family will be strong for each other. I’m just so lucky to have the Nazareths behind me. They are indeed the best family in the world.

Whatever happens, always remember.. GOD NEVER BLINKS!

 

Who knows what tomorrow brings? Hold on.. Be strong..

<3 Steffany Blair

 

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*moved... blairyrandomthoughts

Mothers are AMAZING women!

 I have spent hours each night reading stories about mothers. I cannot explain why I'm doing this for the past couple of weeks, but I am enjoying this hobby. My friends know that I have spent almost 16 years of my life without my mom, and I always say that I am used on having my dad as my parent. Just now, I have realized that it is really different if you have your mom around you while growing up. That mother figure can cause a whole lot difference in your life. Just a thought, maybe seeing my sister juggling with those motherly stuff for her 4 year-old daughter and almost 3 week-old son amazed me so much. Yes, I describe the love of a mother to her child as an AMAZING love.

Let me share you my random thoughts about momma! :">

I always shed tears whenever I watch movies/tv progs about family, especially about parents. It is very unusual for me to cry over an article, 'cause I find it easier to feel the emotions when I see it happen. Reading some articles (I'll share some links later) about mother's sacrifices, true stories, made me really emotional. I JUST MISS HAVING A MOM AROUND.

I grew up with my dad. I spent my whole life with him, that is why I am such a spoiled bratt. My sibs and some of my relatives would describe me as a bratty little girl. Well, I cannot blame them, I was the only one who never left my dad's side while growing up. I was fine with my situation, you know, getting stuff that I want, telling people the story that I am from a broken family, and actually being proud of it. Until one night, when I was 10 years old, I remember sketching a woman holding a child's hand, and my tears began to fall. then my dad approached me and asked why, the only thing that I said to him was, "Nasaan ba si mommy, daddy? bakit siya umalis? kelan siya babalik? si mommy!! si mommy!" I was crying the whole night, then my dad carried me to my room, and brought me my then favorite hotdog sandwich and said to me, "anak, babalik din si mommy. hindi lang natin alam kung kailan ha. nandito naman ako e. hindi kita iiwan." Those were my dad's exact words. I will never forget those words, for they comforted me that night when I looked for my mom. Right there and then, I was convinced that I have a mom in my dad's body.

We used to send our mom letters and recorded voice tapes since she's in the US, and she used to reply. Then, we had those long phone convos, but all of those where stopped. We counted years until we have spoken to our mom again. Among my sibs, I am the one closest to our mom. I call her through Vonage when I have free time, and thanks to advance technology, we now talk through Viber everyday. I love my mom as much as I love my dad. I'm sure she has reasons why she left us, and her efforts on reaching out now is more than enough to make up on those times that she was totally gone.

Seeing my sister now juggling with those motherly stuff made me think on what if our mom is here, will our life be any better? or what if she's here, what kind of persons are we now. I think it will be different. My sister is a disciplinarian type of parent, and I am pretty sure that she's like my mom. My relatives said that my dad is the complete opposite of my mom when it comes to parenting (my dad is a spoiler *wink*) so I guess, yea, my sister is like our mom. I just wish one day, I will get to experience the life with a mother.

I salute all the mothers for their sacrifices. Honestly, I don't think I will be ready anytime soon for the responsibilities. The sacrifices of those amazing woman to be away from her kids to work, to be a zombie-like person just to comfort their babies, and to let go of their life to offer to it to their kids are just so uhh-maziiing!

I tell you now, treasure your mothers (and your fathers *wink*). say I love you every single minute and yes, follow their "military-like commands" for you never know what you're missing out until you lose it. It is hard to live every single day of your life asking "what if SHE is here?" so PLEASE, try to live everyday saying, "THANK GOD MOM IS HERE."

These two articles are my personal faves:

this and this ♥♥♥

Salute to all the mothers out there! You are AMAZING WOMEN!

H&K,

♥Blair C.N.

An Open Letter.

I promised myself that I won’t blog about this unless it’s resolved. Well, sorry self for breaking a promise (which my G, been doing for the past couple of months now) again. I just have to let all the pain out, and my journal cannot absorb everything, as it only welcomes positive thoughts!

The last quarter of 2012 was very depressing. I have almost lost my life dealing with a huge problem that a friend (well, former friend) have caused me. I entered into a “mini business” to earn money easily for I don’t have a job to fund my wants. Of course almost everyone knows that “THERE IS NO EASY MONEY”, and yes I have realized this after what happened. After what happened, I swear I’ll keep the “listen to your parents/guardians at all times, for they know best” lesson. Yes, I’ve had a lot of “I should’ve listened to them” and “darn I’m so stupid! Why did I ignore my grammy and daddy” moments! At least now, I’ve learned.

TRUST. I trust people easily. They say that I am too good to everyone, and that isn’t a good thing, for others will take that as an opportunity to do something bad to you. True enough, this former friend of mine took advantage of my goodness, and pulled me to the darkest side of life. Worse, I have pulled some of my friends and relatives with me. I should have entered this “thing” alone, if only I knew.

Today, I am still dealing with this problem. I do not know where to get more than a million bucks to pay for all the damages. I wish we are that rich to just give the money back to everyone who invested. I feel sorry for my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and dad for carrying the entire burden that this “thing” has caused me. I was so busy running away from my own problem while they are busy looking for the best solution for MY problem, I repeat, MY PROBLEM.

FRIENDS. As what my cousin and dad have told me, you’ll know who your TRUE friends are when you have experienced misfortune. True enough, those who I thought were my REAL friends were the ones who sent me depressing messages, and even cursed me a lot despite their knowledge of what happened. Yes, I am in no position to blame them, for I have put them in this situation. All I am asking for is longer patience and a little bit of respect, if not as their friend, as a person. I have feelings, too, and I am not that strong to handle everything. As they all know, I have a tendency to commit suicide, yes I am a suicidal person, and fragile about everything, basically EVERYTHING. So yes, this is so hard for me.

To my dad, thank you for sending sms to some of my buyers explaining to them everything. Thank you for always checking up on me, and for understanding the situation. I know I’ve given you tons of headaches for the past years, and this one’s the toughest, but thank you thank you so much for loving me and never leaving my side.

To my grammy, thank you for your understanding and for being with me every step of the way. No words can describe how great you are as a grandmother. I love you with every bit of my heart.

To the Nazareths and Castillos, thank you for being the best families ever.

To those involved in this “thing”, I am truly sorry for what happened. I know that my apologies are so overrated, but what else can I say? I am just truly sorry for what this thing has caused all of us. We just wanted to earn, but because of me –trusting the wrong person, we are now in the darkest side of life. This is hard for me too, so thank you for your understanding and for your support.

For those friends that I have lost along the way, I know that one day, everything will be fine. I tried not to ruin any friendship, but I cannot control everyone’s emotions. If getting mad is what you think is best, then I’m okay with it. I completely understand your anger. Sorry, and again, I will try my very best to fix this problem.

To you, self, be strong and never ever give-up. Just hang in there and this too shall pass.

To my Lord, thank You for giving me a stronger heart to face this battle. I love You forever, and yes, Your will be done.

"Sometimes, the girl who has been there for everyone else needs someone to be there for her."

 H&K <3

Blair C.N.